A Month Without - My NTC Rotation

As I've mentioned in previous posts, my unit is set to deploy in the Fall of this year. Part of the training leading up to the deployment is a month long field training exercise at the National Training Center at Ft Irwin, CA. Every MOS has a different experience here, and my post is simply my experience as a 92G, Food Operations (cook).

I am laying on my cot on the eve of my departure, excited beyond belief to go home and be with my wife and now one year old son. We got here as the advance party on May 28th. While most people in the Army were enjoying the 4th day of a 4 day weekend, my wife was dropping me off at brigade HQ at 2:30 a.m. and saying "goodbye" for a month. It never gets easier saying goodbye.

My Field Feeding Team was the first FFT to get here, and will be the last to leave. We have worked hard every day that we've been here. This was essentially the first field exercise that this team has had. 3 of us had worked together previously, one private is a new member of our team, our FFT leader is new to the team, and three were members of another team given to us to help accomplish the mission. 7 of our team members from our last FTX were not with us this time for various reasons. That made the first few days extremely difficult. Trying to set a good example for the new, and new-to-the-team, soldiers turned out to be more difficult than it should have been. Early on it was clear that some members of the team would spend more effort avoiding work than it would take to get the mission accomplished. Others' laziness was a battle I found myself in almost daily.

I was also assigned to pull rations for our team. I don't mind that at all. It gives me something to do throughout the day. Staying busy helps each day go by a little faster. However, from May 28th through June 25th, I was in the rations yard moving and loading boxes each and every day. Some of those boxes weigh upwards of 50-60 pounds each. After a month of doing it, my body is ready to give out. My entire body is sore. I found myself toward the end struggling to lift boxes that a month ago I was tossing with ease.

We got very little sleep, staying up until or after midnight many times, only to have to be back at work at 3 a.m. the next day. We were perpetually crabby. Temperatures in the 100-109 range with daily dust storms didn't help much.

We did have some creature comforts throughout the time we were here, mainly showers. That was very nice. The tents were canvas tents with wooden floors with artificial turf overlayed, and an air conditioner that worked well enough, most of the time. Life could have been much worse.

I'm not afraid to say that I feel old when I'm out here. That, though, is proof that I pushed my body to the max, and feel like I worked hard. Even though others may have gotten more recognition for this or that, I have the self-satisfaction of knowing I did my job, and did it well.

It was difficult at times out here. I missed my 3rd anniversary, meaning I have missed more anniversaries than I've been home for (2 to 1), I missed my son's first birthday, and that was a very difficult day for me. I wasn't alone though. Lots of folks out here missed important things in their lives. The two weeks in the "box" with no phones, computers or other source to learn about the outside world was also difficult. I found myself not only craving the sound of my wife's voice, but also the news, weather forecasts, and other things that are usually easy to access with just the press of a button.

With all that said, I found a new appreciation for what I do. Yes my work hours suck. However, I'm not out on a mission for three days living off of MREs. I'm not out there training to kick down doors, getting shot at, sitting atop a gun truck. Cooks get a bad rap. Many cooks are lazy, but most of us take our job very seriously. If I can do my part to fill the stomach of a hungry infantryman, or communications person, or intel NCO, well, I guess that's all I can hope for. If I mess up at my job, then some people don't like the food, but I get the chance to redeem myself with the next meal. But if the combat personnel are distracted because they are hungry for a hot meal, then they stand the chance of getting shot, killed, and never getting to go back home to the people they love. Even though field food is not always popular, it is important. We are not always looked very highly upon as cooks. However, I know how vital we are. Regardless of how I feel we are treated by the others, I know that without cooks, the mission would suffer. That gives me and the rest of my fellow "get-downs" the self-satisfaction of a job well done.

In short, this last month has been hot, dusty, long and miserable. But during tht time I've learned a lot about myself and what I can do. I've learned a lot about the people I work with and work for, and that is good. I get to wake up and go home tomorrow. I get to kiss my wife tomorrow evening, and sleep in my bed tomorrow night. That's a big deal for me , and I am very much looking forward to that.

Goodbye NTC, and Tacoma , here I come.

Field Training Exercise

Today is Memorial Day, May 28, 2012. At 2:30 this morning I had to say goodbye to my beautiful wife and amazing son. My unit is going to the National Training Center at Ft Irwin, CA for a month long field training exercise. I am about 35,000 feet in the air right now, and figured this time is as good as any to write a new blog post. Of course FAA regulations prohibit me from actually posting it until we are on the ground, but thanks to Airplane Mode, I can at least write while I think.
It was at our last FTX that I decided to start putting my thoughts on paper, so to speak, and for some reason felt inspired to write again.
It is sad to have to leave them so often. My job keeps me from being home much anyway, so the few hours a day that I get to spend with them, I cherish. This is necessary training for out upcoming deployment, and I've always been told that the easiest way to stay safe downrange is to be well trained. I just wish that I could spend all the time in the world with them before the Fall comes and I have to leave them for 9 months. If I needed anymore proof on how special my wife is, I got all I needed this morning. At 1 AM I had to wake her up so that she could take me to work. That's no easy task when considering the 11 month old little boy who likes his sleep more than Rip Van Winkle. She did it though, without complaining and was tough the whole time. She knows me, and she knows that if she cries, I cry. She knows that I need her to be strong so that I can be strong. She is the perfect wife for me. I couldn't imagine anyone who is a better fit. God knew what He was doing when He brought us together.
I am so proud of that little boy too. He was a trooper this morning. Once we loaded him in the car, he was bright eyed and stayed awake so that I could give him hugs and kisses when it was time to say goodbye. I'm sure he wasn't great once he got back to the house, but he sure did make me feel loved and special this morning.
This month will be difficult, both physically and emotionally. However, I have a loving wife and son at home that will keep me motivated, and give me a wonderful reason to look forward to going back home.

Deployment

I found out last week that my unit is deploying to Afghanistan this fall. Rumors have been floating for some time now, but it wasn't official, until now. I know that I signed up to be a soldier in the US Army. I know that I signed up during a time of war. I have always known that deployment was not just a possibility, but a probability. That doesn't mean that I'm not allowed a little trepidation, a little nervousness, a little sadness, does it?

According to what you read and hear, the war in Afghanistan is winding down. Missions are no longer focused on combat, but training Afghan forces. Still though, coalition forces are dying. So, despite what CNN, Fox News or various other media outlets say, the mission is not complete.

Until I joined, the war on terror meant very little to me. I watched the embedded reporters during the invasion like a hawk looking for prey. I could not turn it off. But in the decade since then, very little on the war had struck close to home. There was a guy I grew up knowing that was pretty severely injured in Iraq just a few days into a deployment, but he survived and recovered. Outside of that, I didn't concern myself with it all that much. When my wife and I agreed that this would be the best road for our family, obviously I paid more attention to it. Then, I left for Basic and AIT, and it became more real than before. Now, however, having orders to deploy in just a few months, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I've not deployed before, obviously, so how could I not be nervous? I don't know what to expect, I don't know how I'm going to react, and I can only pray that God and my training will bring me back home in the same condition that I leave. This will be the first deployment for a lot of people I work with, including some NCOs. I know I won't be the only one lost and lonely for the first few weeks. I can only pray that I find my footing quickly.

Even though we know that this is a part of being in the Army, I'm still allowed to be sad, am I not? I've already missed the birth of my son, I'll miss his first birthday because of field training, and now I know I will miss his second birthday because of the deployment. I missed my second anniversary and my wife's 30th birthday because of basic training and ait, will miss my next anniversary and her 31st because of field training and my 4th anniversary and her 32nd because of deployment. I'm going to be away from my family and friends for 9 months or more. I know it isn't 12 or 15 months, and it is only one tour. Many soldiers have been on multiple tours of 12 or more months. Those soldiers are entitled to feel sad as well. I am simply not sure of how I will handle it. I have never been the best about being away from family. Leaving my wife while she was standing on the curb as I was on a bus leaving for basic was the hardest moment of my life. I truly considered bolting off the bus and saying "screw it, I'm not going." I didn't do it, I knew that it was what I had to do in order for my family to survive. In the same way, when our plane for the mountains of Afghanistan is taxiing down the runway, I am sure I will want to jump off and go running back to my wife. Because of what the best thing for my family is, I will fight back the tears, take that plane ride, and start counting down the months, weeks and days until we come home.

So now, we have to figure out how we will prepare for my leaving. We've got to set up the accounts, the phones, get the supplies and creature comforts that I'll need, and figure out how Jamie is going to spend her time. It's hard to believe that I won't get to see her smiling face for 9 months. I won't get a hug or a kiss from the love of my life. I just pray that I will make it through. I know our families will welcome her with open arms, and I know they will know how to support her and our son.

I am ready for what comes my way. I've got a great God to protect me, a great family to support me, and the US Army to train me. Still, I am ready to come back, and I haven't even left yet.

Green to Gold

It is 0730 on Friday morning, I am sitting in my car after PT with a big smile on my face. Why? Well, let me tell you. (This blog post is not aimed to sound like I am bragging or self-indulged. It is simply a way for me to express my excitement about what just happened.)

PT has never been my strong suit. Going back as far as high school, I've never been the biggest, strongest or fastest. I hate running more than just about anything in this world. After about a half of a mile, my legs turn to concrete, my breathing becomes labored and my mind tells me that I nees to give up. Sadly, for many years, with few exceptions, I have given in. I've always thought that good enough is good enough.

Now, however, I have reason and incentive to work harder than I ever have. I am attempting to become an officer in the US Army. There is a program called Green to Gold that will allow someone with two years of college completed, to get paid a salary to finish school and earn a commission upon graduation. It is an extremely competitive program, and is by no means a lock.

Officers in the Army should be PT studs. They lead company, battery, batallion runs. They can't fall out, or else their soldiers will lose respect for them. After all, how can an officer ask his soldiers and NCOs to do something that he cannot do himself.

Since deciding to attempt to become an Officer, my mindset has been forced to change. Good enough is no longer good enough. I have to be better than most. I have worked harder in the last few weeks to watch what I eat and perform better at PT, than I have in the past. It gets discouraging though, because I don't see a change yet.

However, the reason I am smiling now? I just completed a batallion run. For the first time ever, I completed it without falling out. I didn't fall back to the rear of formation, I didn't even allow someone else to pass me in an attempt to catch my breath. I finished the run, in formation. I went along with the cadence caller, found myself encouraging other soldiers who were struggling, and for the first time ever, finished at the same time as everyone else.

Yes, my legs still turned to concrete. Yes, my breathing got labored. Yes, I wanted to quit. Today, though, I had a driving force behind me. I have to succeed at PT if I want to be accepted to Green to Gold. Back in Basic or AIT I remember an NCO telling a struggling soldier, "your body is stronger than your mind." I have tried to use that as motivation in the past, but only fleetingly. Today, I had to believe it. When we got to our turn around point I realized that I was good. I was smiling at a funny cadence and I realized that I was still up front with my company. We started heading back, and we passed all the soldiers who had fallen out, and I said out loud, "that's not me today!" I thought I said it to myself, but someone in front of me heard and turned and said, "Damn Dugan! You still with us?" From that point through the rest of the run I was smiling. I knew that I was going to make it.

Why put this all down in a blog post? Because, I truly believe that God paves a path for his direction in a persons life. I don't believe he puts speed bumps and potholes in that road. I believe that we allow others, and ourselves, to put those obstacles in the way.

Maybe, God just wants me to be more physically fit in order to live a longer, healthier life. Maybe, He has His mind set on me becoming an officer. I don't know what is at the end of that road. However, I do know that going down this path is encouraging and exciting. I do know that God has allowed me, not to be prideful and boisterous, but proud of myself for this moment. It is only through His grace that I wake up in the morning and complete tasks everyday. But, with His grace, I can accomplish tasks that I have not been able to in the past.